Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Below Knee!

I'm sitting here in Port St. Lucie with the lower 3/4's of Carlos Beltran's right leg. The upper 50% of which has been the cause for much consternation amongst Met fans. Carlos was not available for comment, but while I have his knee's attention, I thought I'd ask it some questions. The following, is an interview (through an interpreter) between me and the Mets right fielders knee joint.

Phlavio: Thank you for taking some time out from your busy schedule of teasing and taunting Met fans to meet with me.

Knee: No problem, I just had a cortisone shot, so forgive me if I seem a bit groggy.

Phlavio: How long have you and Carlos been working together?

Knee: Three months short of 34 years. For May and June of 1977 I was fairly confident I could make it as a solo career.

Phlavio: When did you and Carlos start having problems?

Knee: We'd argue on and off from time to time, but I decided to put my cap down in 2009.

Phlavio: What was the issue?

Knee: You know, I'm young for a knee, but I've taken so much abuse. I just wanted a chance to live the high-life. Not play second fiddle to Carlos' hitting and fielding.

Phlavio: So you sabotaged his baseball career for a turn in the spot-light?

Knee: I wouldn't use those words.

Phlavio: How would you phrase it?

Knee: I decided to become more outspoken about my needs.

Phlavio: How has that worked out?

Knee: Honestly the attention was great at first, but now I feel like I've become a bit of a scape goat. Everyone pointing fingers at me, Castillo and Perez for the decline of the Mets. Is it wrong for collection of tendons, bones and muscles to speak their mind at the expense of a baseball player and his team?

Phlavio: In my opinion... Yes.

Knee: Well, sorry.

Phlavio: Have you and Beltran come to an agreement?

Knee: We're in negotiations but I think that I still deserve at least 50% of the focus through the 2011 season.

Phlavio: What about after baseball?

Knee: We're thinking of auditioning to play Spider Man on Broadway.

Phlavio: Break a leg! Sorry, poor choice of words.

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